Speak Now
by Darley1101
Summary: The wishful thinking of a mournful Alex/Izzie fan. Inspired by Taylor Swift's song Speak Now.


Title: Speak Now

Author: Darley1101

Rating: PG

Pairings: Alex/Izzie, Alex/Lucy

Premise: They were done. Divorced. A thing of the past. It was time to move on. To start a new life. Wasn't it? Izzie would have said yes. Until she heard Alex really was moving on. He was even getting remarried. And that was when it hit her: she hadn't moved on because she still loved him. Would she be able to tell him before it was too late? Would he want to hear the words? (One Shot Only. Inspired by Taylor Swift's song Speak Now)

Brookside, Oregon was a cliché small town. One stop light. Two diners. A school that housed kindergarten through the twelfth grade. And a pristine white church with a picturesque steeple. Izzie Stevens barely noticed what the rest of the little place had to offer, her goal was that church. The closer she drew, the faster her heart raced. She was probably going on a fool's errand and would wind up embarrassing herself but she didn't care. If she didn't do this she would regret it for the rest of her life. That wasn't something she was willing to do. There were many things she was fine with missing out on, but this chance wasn't one of them.

A fine sheen of sweat coated her palms as she parked the car and climbed out. She wiped them down the sides of her pale pink sundress and silently told herself to breath. Inhale. Exhale. In through the nose. Out through the lips. Deeply in. Slowly out. With each calming breath her confidence grew. She could do this. She _would _do this! And if she walked away with her heart a little more broken then at least she had tried. It was easier to live with emotional pain if some effort had been made to rectify things. Her mother had told her that years ago. At the time she had been sixteen and giving her baby up for adoption and the words had made little sense. Now as an adult their meaning was crystal clear. She could live with the pain of giving up Hannah because she had made sure her daughter had a better life. And now, well now, she could go on living without Alex if he loved this Lucy Fields and could have a good life with her. If he wasn't happy though, if he was just trying to move on with his life the way Izzie had been trying, then there was no way in hell she was letting him say 'I do.'

The shrill, raised voice of a woman was the first thing Izzie heard as she entered the rather small, country church. From the way the woman was berating another person about the color of their shoes not matching their dress Izzie deduced that the angry female was the bride. Her heart sunk. Alex was really going to marry a woman that was concerned about whether or not her bridesmaid's shoes matched their dress? Surely he hadn't changed that much. The Alex Karev she knew and loved would have told the neurotic mess screaming to get over it, they were just shoes. Most likely she's screamed at him like that, Izzie thought as she pressed herself again the wall when a flew open. Out stormed Meredith, her cheeks red and her eyes blazing. The calf length tangerine dress she wore it was obvious that she was a bridesmaid. From the anger stamped across her face Izzie figured she was probably the bridesmaid who had had the nerve to wear shoes that didn't match her dress. Personally, Izzie didn't see anything wrong with the strappy silver heels. They sort of blended in and were definitely something Meredith would wear again. Practical. And, Izzie realized, painful. They were the same shoes Meredith had worn as Alex's best man. Was the tiny firecracker of a woman going to be his best man again? That hurt worse than the shoes.

"Bitch," Meredith hissed, her first balling up at her sides. She tipped her head upward. "I know I'm not suppose to talk like that in a church but I am sure you have to agree. She is a bitch. And if she thinks I'm…"

Izzie's heart skidded to a halt almost as fast as Meredith's words. The other woman had finally noticed she wasn't alone. "Hey Mere," she greeted weakly, a wobbly smile on her lips. "How are you doing?"

"Did you hear her? Did you hear bridezilla telling me I was the worse bridesmaid in the history of bridesmaids because I didn't buy new shoes? Or was it because my shoes weren't ugly and orange like my dress? I don't know. I don't care. I just know my day sucks and the only way it's going to get better is if you please tell me you're here to beg Alex to forget all about Looney Lucy and to run away with you."

"I…I wouldn't have put it like that but yeah…I guess I am kind of here to beg Alex to run away with me." Her mouth went dry as the reality of what she was about to do hit her. She was about to attempt to stop a wedding. Did people really do things like that? Or was it just something that was written in romance novels and sung about in country western songs? Never mind. Who cared if it was reality or not. It was her reality. She was tired of sitting at home alone because she knew if she went out on a date she would just compare them to Alex. And the one time she had tried to have sex with someone else she had ended up crying. The guy had looked at her like she was nuts and left without so much as a goodbye. That was when she had faced reality. Her reality. She was never going to be happy with another man because she was never going to love anyone but Alex.

"Good. Are we going to for one on one reasoning or total humiliation of the bride?" The gleam in Meredith's green eyes said she was hoping for the latter. Izzie hated to disappoint her but she wasn't brave enough to stand up in front of a whole church and tell the groom to not get married because she still loved him. When she told Meredith as much the other woman sighed but nodded in understanding. "One on one is probably for the best. Well come on. I'll show you were he's at. Derek and Jackson Avery are with him. Nobody else would be his groomsmen. Derek wouldn't have either but I twisted his arm and threatened no sex if he didn't. Not sure why Jackson agreed. Probably pity. Who knows. What I do know is you have your work cut out for you. Lucy has his mind warped. He thinks she's amazing, Iz. That they're going to have the perfect life. Buy a house. Have a couple kids. He's even brought up a minivan." A shudder rippled through Meredith's lithe body. "I think he was kidding about the van but the rest of it he wasn't. She puts on a good act when he's around but you have something she doesn't. You're you and you have always been Alex's weak spot."

A house. Kids. A minivan. Her heart ached. Those had been their dreams. They had talked about buying a house. A two story yellow one with white shudders and rose bushes. They were suppose to have three kids. Two back to back and one a little later on because they missed having a baby. And of course they would have to have a van to haul their little brood around. Not one of the ugly kind but a cool new one that had a television, DVD player and looked more like a space shuttle than a van. That had been the life they were suppose to live. Them. Alex and Izzie. Not Alex and Lucy. Did he really want that life with his bride to be or was he simply trying to move on? It was the second time Izzie had wondered that. Soon she would have her answer. If he told her to stay out of his life again it would be harder. Now she knew what she was leaving him with. A total nutcase who screamed at bridesmaids over shoes when the shoes looked perfectly fine with the dress.

"And, in case you're wondering, the only reason I agreed to be her bridesmaid was because Alex asked me to. I couldn't tell him no. Not when everyone else already had." The softly spoken words eased some of the hurt Izzie had felt upon seeing Meredith in that bridesmaid dress. She could admit it. It had felt like a betrayal. It shouldn't have. She had walked out on her friends too. Hadn't looked back. Until now. She resolved right then and there that no matter what happened with Alex she was going to regain her old friendships. She missed Meredith and Cristina. They were the sisters she had never had.

"Nobody else would be her bridesmaid?" The question was one she had no business asking. What she was doing had nothing to do with Lucy. Okay, maybe it did a little but it wasn't personal. She didn't know Lucy and it was probably better that she didn't. That way everything she said to Alex was strictly about them; Alex and Izzie. "You know what. Forget I asked."

"She's evil," Meredith muttered before knocking on a closed door. "That's why nobody wanted to be her bridesmaid. She's just…evil. Well good luck! And…Iz…call every once in a while okay? I miss you." The shorter, thinner woman gave her a quick hug before pushing the door open. "Derek. Jackson. Time to go."

Izzie bit back a laugh as the two groomsmen shot Meredith a confused look. Then they seen her. Jackson Avery's face stayed slightly confused but a knowing look clarified Derek's expression. "Don't take no for an answer," Derek whispered as he walked past. Izzie wish she could reassure him that she wouldn't but she had promised herself that if Alex made it clear that they were done she would accept that and leave without causing a scene.

"You're tying it crooked," she said softly as she walked toward her ex-husband. He looked so handsome it hurt. Even the bright orange vest and bowtie didn't detract from his beauty. Or maybe it did and she was still too in love to realize.

"What are you doing here?"

It was a fair question and the sadness in his tone gave her some hope. He was angry that she was there nor was he indifferent. That gave her something to work with. "You know, I've thought about the answer to that very question the whole way here. I have about five different answers. The first one is sort of long and sort of makes me sound like an idiot so we'll skip that one. The second one isn't much better so I think you're probably better off not hearing it either. The third one is my favorite. It's the one where I just say I love you and I miss you and I want you to choose me, not her. The problem with that one is I don't really say why you should choose me. I sort of worked that out in the fourth and fifth versions but really, I don't want to give you reasons to choose me. I want you to choose me because you love me and miss me as much as I love and miss you." Her breath was starting to come in uneven bursts again, a sure sign that panic was on its way. Once again, she silently talked herself through the breathing exercises they put hysterical patients through. "I want us to do all those things we talked about doing before I got sick. The two story yellow house. The three kids. Even the stupid mini van with a DVD player so we can all go places together. Meredith says you and Lucy have talked about those things too but Alex do you really want to live our dreams with her? Do you want to settle because that is what you're doing. You're settling for safe. She's safe because she's never left. I get that. I did the same thing with Denny and George. They were safe. They had never hurt me. Only my relationships with them never really felt right. Something was always missing and that something was you. They were not you. Love isn't safe. It isn't a guarantee that the other person won't leave or they won't hurt you. Those things are a part of love too. You just have to trust that the other person will eventually come back. You have to have faith that the pain wasn't intentional. I think we both know that now. So…I'm asking you to choose me." An odd sort of calm settled over her. Whether he left with her or told her he loved Lucy she had told him the things she needed to tell him. She had at least tried. "I am going to walk out the door and get in my car. I'll wait ten minutes. If you don't come out that's okay. I love you enough to want you to be happy and if you think Lucy can make you happy…then that is great. Wonderful even." Without waiting for him to say anything, Izzie spun on the ball of her foot and hurried out the way she had come. Thankfully she didn't pass anyone she knew; she wasn't in the mood for small chat or explanations. Right now if Alex stayed nobody but Meredith, Derek, and Jackson Avery would know she had been there. And she knew Meredith wouldn't say anything to anyone.

She sat in her car a total of five minutes before the tears started trickling down her cheeks. She had known it was a long shot and she didn't regret trying, she just hated how much it hurt. At the seven minute mark she told herself to leave. To just start the car and leave. Integrity stopped her. She had said she would give him ten minutes so by golly she was going to wait ten minutes. If she didn't there would have always been that tiny niggle of wondering. At nine minutes the tears stopped. Life would go on. At least now she knew. And she genuinely hoped he was happy. At ten minutes exactly the church door opened. Through the corner of her eye, as she started her car, she seen a man wearing a faded gray t shirt and jeans; not the tuxedo she had been looking for. When she would have put her car in gear the passenger side door opened and the man who had walked out the front of the church slid in. Familiar dimples dented his cheeks as a much loved grin stretched across lips she had kissed a thousand times. "You weren't going to leave without me were you?" Alex teased. He cupped her cheek in one hand while the other threaded through her loose mess of golden curls. Her eyes fluttered closed as his lips swept across her's. Finally, life felt right. Things were as they were suppose to be. They were Alex and Izzie…again.


End file.
